How To Explain To Your Child What Gossip Is & How To Stop It – Moms

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We all know that humans are social creatures, and children are no exception to this rule. Because we’re so social, though, gossip seems to be a pretty typical part of society. In fact, children as young as 8 frequently engage in rumor spreading and other harmful secret sharing. However, you can help your child avoid lots of pain and teach them to stop gossip in its tracks if you take the time to talk with them about this common trend with children and teens.

Why Children Gossip About Each Other

Ugly rumors and embarrassing whispers seem to run rampant in most elementary and middle schools — but why? Well, according to experts, there are several reasons why children gossip.

In an interview with Parents Magazine, Dr. Karin Frey shared that many kids gossip to learn how much power and influence they hold over their peers. It’s like a social experiment for kids: Through spreading rumors, they learn the power of words and how sharing certain secrets can impact others. Many kids also gossip about others because they think it will boost their popularity or help them gain more desirable, influential friends.

However, not all gossip is fueled by a desire for power. In fact, Dr. Frank McAndrew told Real Simple that “gossiping strengthens bonds.” In other words, kids learn who they can trust by sharing secrets and seeing how the other person uses this information. Often times, it’s safer to explore this realm with gossip about others instead of vulnerably sharing something about yourself. When a child spreads gossip, they can learn who is a friend and who is a foe without divulging any secrets about themselves.

What Children Need To Know About Gossip

First and foremost, children need to know that they should always respect the privacy of others. Nobody likes having secrets spilled out to everyone, and gossip essentially makes secret information available to everyone. However, when children refuse to spread gossip or listen to others, they help end the cycle of vicious rumors. What’s more, when kids understand how important privacy is, they learn to be more empathetic and will soon find that their friends trust them and enjoy spending time with them.

Furthermore, children need to understand that if they engage in gossip, chances are they will eventually become the target of gossip as well. Nobody likes it when someone talks about them negatively, and most children will find ways to seek revenge on anyone who they feel spread the rumors. Also, since kids think that gossiping will make them more popular, even people your child sees as a close friend may eventually start gossip — and that never feels good.

However, psychologist Frank Sileo told Psychology Today that it’s important for parents to teach their children the one caveat to not sharing gossip: unsafe secrets. Your child needs to know that some pieces of information should be shared with trusted grown ups, especially if the rumor sounds dangerous. For example, make sure your child knows some common “unsafe” topics, like physical violence or sexual assault. If your child learns that a peer plans to harm someone or that a peer is being harmed by anyone, they should share that information with someone safe like a school counselor or you immediately.

RELATED: How To Effectively Talk With Your Child About Sexual Abuse

How To Stop Gossip In Its Tracks

Even though gossip is an inevitable part of childhood, how can your child handle gossip in a way that won’t create more chaos? Although every situation is different, as parents we can help our kids navigate these issues in a few different ways.

For starters, identifying the source of gossip can sometimes help children understand why it’s happening. Sometimes rumors happen as a result of misinformation, and those situations should be handled in a much different way than those where the gossip is meant to cause harm. If your child can identify the original source, that often helps everyone understand what happened.

Also, teach your child that revenge isn’t going to help matters whatsoever. When your child learns to take the high road instead of starting their own set of rumors, they help break the cycle of gossip and take a stand against the practice. In fact, some kids even benefit from turning the situation around and, instead of gossiping, they do something good for their peers.

Finally, Dr. Kennedy-Moore offered this bit of wisdom in an interview with Parents Magazine: “Explain to your child that the facts get mixed up as gossip spreads from person to person and that it’s just as unkind to pass along rumors as it is to come up with them.” Dr. Kennedy-Moore recommends that you teach your child some key phrases to use in the face of gossiping that stop it in its tracks, such as: “Well, I’ve never seen her do that,” or “That’s really none of my business.” Just like the gossip itself, your child’s words can hold power to stop the rumors from spreading any further. By refusing to spread gossip, your child can be just like Supergirl in their own little way.

As parents, it’s up to us to set a positive example for our children and teach them how to respect their friends and classmates. By taking the time to talk to them about the problems that gossip causes, we can help them be the voice of reason in their peer group and be the best possible friend to everyone around them.

READ NEXT: Why Parents Should Teach Kids The Correct Words For Their Private Parts

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