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Kylie Jenner read the comments. In an Instagram Story, she cut her Mother’s Day cake in a way that shocked and appalled her followers. It was a shallow slice—squat, even—like if you only wanted a small bit. Pretty strange! The geometry sticklers would probably suggest cutting a long and thin slice instead of short and wide one to maintain the integrity of the thing. Just another day in Hollyweird, I suppose.
As far as food discourse this week, it’s no Robert Pattinson pasta dish, but then again, what is? It’s more subtle than that inedible hellfire, and so far more maddening. A poorly cut cake is one of those mildly infuriating things—chalk left un-erased on the blackboard, striped fabric that doesn’t align, cake cut too squat. That sort of thing.
I can’t decide if we should take it as a good or bad sign that anyone at all is fixating on it. On the one hand, no matter what the youngest Kardashian-Jenner does and how she does it, she gets a comment or two thousand. Some commentary earns its righteous anger more than others, but there’s always commentary. On the other, this must be how slim our gossip situation has gotten two months into nationwide lockdowns that she felt like “clapping back,” in the words of a People headline. She cut a little round hole in the cake with no rhyme or reason for placement. “People were very disturbed I cut my cake how I did,” she wrote on Stories. “This is for those people.”
So maybe it’s good that in this period of deep anxiety and confusion, we sweat the small stuff. Little annoyances and failed attempts at control are a more manageable distraction from big disasters sometimes, especially when you can’t do much about either. And look, by voicing that annoyance, the attention of Jenner was paid. It’s something to talk about
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