Question from Sam
OK, so yesterday I told my crush I liked her and she kept saying how she wished she liked me, then she got all mad at me because she felt bad that she didn’t like me back, and then she kept complaining about how she hasn’t liked anyone in so long and she wants to find the right guy.
Then today she completely avoided me. So I’m really confused.
Weezy
I think it’s important to resist the temptation to search through what you are hearing for what you would like to hear. Really listen to what she said to you. She wishes she liked you that way.
We can’t force romantic feelings any more than we can explain why they do or do not exist. In this case they don’t. Your crush is avoiding you because she loves you as a friend and she’s compassionate. She does not wish to hurt you.
It’s wonderful that you told her how you feel. You now have the information you need to move on. She’s not really mad at you. She’s upset that she may lose you as a friend. And she may lose your friendship for a while because you will need some space to get over her. Let her avoid you. Take the space that you both need.
Honesty brings clarity and you both have that now. It is normal to develop a crush on a friend. It is common for that friend to not return those feelings. This is all a part of life. People crush on each other until it finally clicks in both directions. That will happen for you. I promise.
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(The School of Life video)
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Question from Jennifer
Hello there 🙂 Just to give a little context, I’m a 19-year-old female in my second year of college. The person I’m asking advice on is 18 and is doing a gap year. I met him online through mutual friends.
At first, he was the one making all the advances. He’d always compliment me on my pictures and flirt with me. Then I decided to meet him in person/in real life. It went fairly well. We both laughed a lot and got along well.
I’ve met him a few more times since then. The first time I met him was about three weeks ago. Since then, things have changed. He will compliment me on my photos occasionally but then not talk to me at all.
And it’s always me going out to see him. Neither of us has a driver’s license, so I have to take the bus to see him. It’s an hour commute. He never seems to think about even making the effort to come see me.
Furthermore, whenever I mention that I may see him, he always says it’s up to me. But then he seems to enjoy my company. And when I last saw him, he held me in his arms. We haven’t done anything PG-13, so I know he’s not after that stuff.
I should add that his father, who was in a coma for a long while, passed away recently. He won’t open up to me about it, but he’ll post about it on social media.
Basically, he’s giving me mixed signals. I think I should give him space, but he doesn’t seem to need or want space (from people in general). And if I do do that, I feel like we’ll just totally grow apart.
It just feels like I’m making all the effort. What should I do??
Weezy
I think you gave yourself the best advice midway through your question. Give him space. If that causes you to grow apart, then that is what’s meant to happen. In order for this relationship to work out romantically, he is going to need to put as much thought and effort into it as you do. You can’t force that.
Focusing too hard and attempting to read clues into his Instagram posts will only make you nuts. How he treats friends and how he treats a potential romantic partner are two very different things. You want more from him than a friend does. He may not be ready to give that to you right now.
Back up and give him an opportunity to miss you. If that does not happen, then you will ultimately reach a point at which you realize you have stopped missing him.
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Question from Kelly
What should I do if I have really bad cramps?
Weezy
There are a number of cramp remedies that will effect everyone differently so you will need to find what works best for you.
I’ll get the gross part out there first. Cramps happen when your body is trying to pass the clumpy stuff. Caffeine can help that along. There are drugs with caffeine that you should take ONLY DURING THE DAY, and ONLY IF your body tolerates caffeine. Go easy at first and always moderate your intake.
For example, Midol and Exedrin contain caffeine. I would not take more than two at a time twice a day.
Too much caffeine makes you jittery and your ears will ring and you can’t sleep and it’s not good. The right amount of caffeine can really ease the discomfort and the cramping. Even a cup of coffee will help.
At night or once you’ve had enough caffeine or if your body does not do well with caffeine, Advil is amazing. There are other options as well. Try googling “cramp remedies” or asking friends and older females what works for them.
Click here for more remedies.
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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also hosts a weekly video podcast called Things I Found Online, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.
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