Following Anthony Bourdain's Suicide, Rose McGowan Calls For a 'Collective Conversation' About Depression

In the wake of the suicide of celebrity chef and author Anthony Bourdain last week, Rose McGowan has opened up in a letter about what she says is the vital conversation we need to be having about mental health and suicide. The 700-plus word note, which she titled “An Important Message From Rose McGowan, A Friend: We need to have a conversation about suicide. Blame is not that conversation.”

The piece opens with McGowan sitting across from actress and fellow #MeToo activist Asia Argento — Bourdain’s romantic partner — and describing her friend’s strength while taking issue with the blame game that often surrounds suicide. “Sitting across from me is the remarkable human and brave survivor, Asia Argento, who has been through more than most could stand, and yet stand she does. She stood up to her monster rapist and now she has to stand up to yet another monster, suicide,” wrote McGowan, who has, like Argento, spoken out about her alleged sexual assault at the hands of disgraced former movie mogul Harvey Weinstein.

“The suicide of her beloved lover and ally, Anthony Bourdain. I write these truths because I have been asked to. I know so many around the world thought of Anthony Bourdain as a friend and when a friend dies, it hurts. Many of these people who lost their ‘friend’ are wanting to lash out and blame. You must not sink to that level. Suicide is a horrible choice, but it is that person’s choice.”

McGowan describes the “instant chemistry” between Argento and Bourdain when they first met two years ago as well as how the chef helped her laugh and love and supported her during the difficult past year of speaking out against Weinstein. “Anthony was open with his demons, he even wrote a book about them. In the beginning of their relationship, Anthony told a mutual friend, ‘He’s never met anyone who wanted to die more than him,'” McGowan wrote.

Bourdain, 61, was found dead in his hotel room in France on Friday (June 8) of a suspected suicide. The acclaimed chef, author and host of CNN’s Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown was open about his past drug use and his death came just days after a similar suicide by fashion designer Kate Spade in New York.

“And through a lot of this last year, Asia did want the pain to stop. But here’s the thing, over their time together, thankfully, she did the work to get help, so she could stay alive and live another day for her and her children,” McGowan explained. “Anthony’s depression didn’t let him, he put down his armor, and that was very much his choice. His decision, not hers. His depression won. Anthony and Asia had a free relationship, they loved without borders of traditional relationships, and they established the parameters of their relationship early on. Asia is a free bird, and so was Anthony. Was. Such a terrible word to write. I’ve heard from many that the past two years they were together were some of his happiest and that should give us all solace.”

McGowan noted that Bourdain was the same age as her father when he died — that both men suffered from “intermittent deep depression” — and that both were also part of a “pull up your bootstraps and march on” generation in which strong men didn’t ask for help. She said before Bourdain died he had reached out for help, but, according to her, didn’t take a doctor’s advice. “We are asking you to be better, to look deeper, to read and learn about mental illness, suicide and depression before you make it worse for survivors by judging that which we do not understand, that which can never fully be understood,” she wrote, fiercely defending Argento and asking that people not blame her somehow for Bourdain’s death. “Sometimes we are stuck in the unknowable, and that is where we are now, a massive wave of darkness that threatens to swallow everyone in its wake.”

McGowan’s letter comes as other artists have spoken out about their battles with depression and suicidal thoughts. On Saturday (June 9), Jane’s Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro posted about suicidal thoughts and seeking help. “I can’t speak to anyone else’s thoughts or actions but I can speak from my own experience. I have been there, written ‘the note,’ had the plan, the stockpile of meds, how to disperse my property among my family,” wrote Navarro, who has been frank in the past about his struggles with drug abuse. “I was ready to go. Luckily, as a last ditched effort, I reached out. I spoke to my closest friends and loved ones. I sought therapy and at times, psychiatry, alternative medicines, even hospitalization. Whatever it took.”

Nararro’s post came in light of a study recently released by the CDC reporting that the suicide rate in the U.S. has risen by almost 30 percent in almost every state since 1999, with half the states seeing an increase of 30% or more. The guitarist said that “we are constantly changing and evolving and flowing… sometimes scary, sometimes beautiful, sometimes lonely, sometimes supported. Hang in there to allow the process and the shapes to change. I can tell you 100% that they do. Please reach out if you find yourself in the darkness. There is no darkness without light. Try to be willing to let it find you.”

Fleet Foxes singer Robin Pecknold also opened up about his battle with depression, writing on Instagram, “During a period a few years ago when I was dangerously and actively suicidal, my respect for my loved ones and my knowledge of the pain I would cause them was, truly and with no overstatement, the only effective thought I had at my disposal to prevent myself from acting.” Saying he doesn’t believe suicide is selfish, Pecknold also cautioned against idolizing a famous person who takes their life. “When artists are made legends through suicide, I know that some segment of the impressionable population internalizes this as justification for the act,” he wrote. “I know this because I have overcome this exact delusion.”

McGowan signed off by describing watching Argento’s strength as she worked on set on Monday, joining the many others who have carried on after the suicide of a loved one. “Please join me in sending healing energy to Anthony on his journey, and to all who’ve been left behind to journey on without him. There is no one to blame but the stigma of loneliness, the stigma of asking for help, the stigma of mental illness, the stigma of being famous and hurting,” she wrote. “We must do more and be better. Anthony, our friend, would want it that way.”

Read McGowan’s full letter below.

Dear Fellow Humans,

Sitting across from me is the remarkable human and brave survivor, Asia Argento, who has been through more than most could stand, and yet stand she does. She stood up to her monster rapist and now she has to stand up to yet another monster, suicide. The suicide of her beloved lover and ally, Anthony Bourdain. I write these truths because I have been asked to. I know so many around the world thought of Anthony Bourdain as a friend and when a friend dies, it hurts. Many of these people who lost their ‘friend’ are wanting to lash out and blame. You must not sink to that level. Suicide is a horrible choice, but it is that person’s choice.

When Anthony met Asia, it was instant chemistry. They laughed, they loved and he was her rock during the hardships of this last year. Anthony was open with his demons, he even wrote a book about them. In the beginning of their relationship, Anthony told a mutual friend, “He’s never met anyone who wanted to die more than him.” And through a lot of this last year, Asia did want the pain to stop. But here’s the thing, over their time together, thankfully, she did the work to get help, so she could stay alive and live another day for her and her children. Anthony’s depression didn’t let him, he put down his armor, and that was very much his choice. His decision, not hers. His depression won. Anthony and Asia had a free relationship, they loved without borders of traditional relationships, and they established the parameters of their relationship early on. Asia is a free bird, and so was Anthony. Was. Such a terrible word to write. I’ve heard from many that the past two years they were together were some of his happiest and that should give us all solace.

Anthony was 61, the same age my father was when he died. My father also suffered from intermittent deep depression, and like Anthony, was part of a “pull up your bootstraps and march on” generation. The a “strong man doesn’t ask for help” generation. I know before Anthony died he reached out for help, and yet he did not take the doctor’s advice. And that has led us here, to this tragedy, to this loss, to this world of hurt. Do NOT do the sexist thing and burn a woman on the pyre of misplaced blame. Anthony’s internal war was his war, but now she’s been left on the battlefield to take the bullets. It is in no way fair or acceptable to blame her or anyone else, not even Anthony. We are asking you to be better, to look deeper, to read and learn about mental illness, suicide and depression before you make it worse for survivors by judging that which we do not understand, that which can never fully be understood. Sometimes we are stuck in the unknowable, and that is where we are now, a massive wave of darkness that threatens to swallow everyone in its wake.

As I watch Asia do her job on set today, I see a pillar of strength who continues to work to put food on her children’s table. I see Elizabeth Taylor carrying on filming Cat on a Hot Tin Roof despite her love, her husband, dying in a plane crash. I see all of us who have carried on. Please join me in sending healing energy to Anthony on his journey, and to all who’ve been left behind to journey on without him. There is no one to blame but the stigma of loneliness, the stigma of asking for help, the stigma of mental illness, the stigma of being famous and hurting.

We must do more and be better. Anthony, our friend, would want it that way.

To the media and to the random commenter, Anthony would never have wanted Asia to be hurt, I’d like to think he would want us to have the collective conversation that needs to be had about depression. Blame is NOT a conversation, it is the shutting down of our collective growth. Which is where we are now. We have a choice as humans, shrink to our smaller, uglier selves, or be better and grow as only true Phoenixes can. I urge you to be that Phoenix.

With great sadness and even greater hope, I remain,

Rose McGowan

cc: Asia Argento

If you are considering suicide, reach out. We need you here. You matter. You exist. You count. There is help a phone call away, reach out.

If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

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