By Demetri Ravanos
Raleigh, N.C. — I can’t quite figure out the right sound bite to convey my feelings on Disney’s newest releaseA Wrinkle in Time. I know I do the “It’s not exactly good, but it isn’t bad” thing a lot. That’s even a little too simple for my feelings on this particular movie. A Wrinkle in Time makes some really drastic swings from boring and unwatchable to really compelling to just sort of there.
This is the story of Meg, a girl angry at the world after the disappearance of her father four years earlier. We know her father has been gone for four years because one night she and her little brother Charles Wallace (double named kid – gross) are listening to the news on the radio and we hear “and it’s been four years since scientist Alex Murray went missing.” You know how we’re always getting news updates just to say that nothing has changed in the last four years!
The next day at school, all of the teachers are gossiping about the disappearance of Meg’s and Charles Wallace’s dad. Remember, it has been four years. This is the first sign of many we get that this school is obsessed with Meg. The popular girls leave Meg notes on her locker saying she should disappear like her dad. Teachers speculate about Mr. Murray’s secret family.
Meg understandably gets upset and lashes out and slams a basketball into the nose of the popular girl that victimizes her the most. Now, of course Meg is in trouble, but her biggest problem isn’t the consequences of her actions. It is that this school is run by the worst principal on the planet, who uses Meg’s missing father to shame her, but only after he tells her that it has been four years and this CHILD needs to get over THE DISAPPEARANCE OF HER FATHER!
Seriously, this is one of the worst written kids movies you’ll ever see.
Okay, so Meg meets a boy named Calvin (who unfortunately does not have his own McDonald’s). Somehow Charles Wallace convinces them all to go with magical Reese Witherspoon to meet magical Monday Kaling, and then magical Oprah shows up.
I should acknowledge here that all three of these magical women have names like Ms. Who and Ms. Whatsit, but I am pretty sure I heard Charles Wallace call Oprah “Oprah,” which makes sense. This character speaks like Oprah. She dresses like what I imagine Oprah dresses like around the house. The only real difference is she is wearing a wig straight out of an anime series.
The kids are swept across the galaxy to find Meg’s and Charles Wallace’s dad, and finally the movie gets at least a little bit interesting. Now, look, there is a lot about the light battling the darkness and being true to yourself. All of these messages are at the core of every “teenager saves the world” story that has come out in the last 20 years. So again, quick reminder that I don’t care about the source material. I am simply judging the movie A Wrinkle in Time as a movie.
Let’s start by rattling off the problems. I already mentioned the script, so let me give you a perfect example of how bad the writing is.
There is a scene where Calvin, Charles Wallace and Meg end up on a planet that looks like a typical, suburban neighborhood. As they are walking through the street, Calvin says, “I smell roasted food.”
Roasted food.
The smell is distinct enough for Calvin to recognize the method of cooking, but not so distinct that he would know what it is he is smelling I guess. Also, the Charles Wallace character is annoying as hell. Sure, his role in the movie’s climax is the most interesting thing about A Wrinkle in Time, but he is played by a kid so schmaltzy that even Disney Channel casting executives would say “he’s a little too over the top.”
So look, I know Ana DuVernay is a great champion of diversity in Hollywood and thus has become an important voice in the last three or four years. I absolutely loved her last feature Selma, but sometimes even really talented directors lay an egg, and that’s what has happened here. A Wrinkle in Time is kind of dumb.
Demetri Ravanos is a member of the North Carolina Film Critics Association and has reviewed movies for Raleigh and Company, Military1.com and The Alan Kabel Radio Network.
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