By
Jim Shelley for MailOnline
Published:
21:24 GMT, 6 March 2018
| Updated:
02:10 GMT, 7 March 2018
It’s not easy to improve on GBBO’s recipe for success but The Great Celebrity Bake Off For Stand Up To Cancer managed it.
Firstly by raising money for such a commendable charity, secondly by using stars who were (unlike the version of Masterchef) actually famous, and finally with contestants who couldn’t really cook.
The worst of these was comedian and GameFace actress/writer Roisin Conaty – or rather the best.
Having a go: Martin Kemp and Roisin Conaty turned their hand to baking on The Great Celebrity Bake Off For Stand Up To Cancer on Tuesday night
After watch all those civilians during GBBO’s eight years produce so many stunning creations in the Signature, Technical, and Showstopper Challenges it was not just a relief, but a joy to see someone so totally hopeless she was worse than we were.
‘I’ve never baked before so it’s quite stressful !’ she beamed – a commendably optimistic, original, revelation at the start of The Great Celebrity Bake Off, particularly when the Signature Challenge only required her, Martin Kemp, Bill Turnbull, and Harry Hill to make cupcakes.
She guessed which shelf of the oven to use and wasn’t even sure what flavour her buttercream was.
Help: ‘I’ve never baked before so it’s quite stressful !’ Roisin beamed – a commendably optimistic, original, revelation at the start of The Great Celebrity Bake Off
Clueless: She guessed which shelf of the oven to use and wasn’t even sure what flavour her buttercream was
‘Just cream cheese, I think.’
Ambitiously, for her Showstopper, her ‘3D Biscuit Scene’ depicted a beach holiday with her friend and a camel enjoying Happy Hour.
The sand was made of honeycomb – or at least intended to be.
‘Are you making the honeycomb yourself?’ asked Paul Hollywood.
‘Yes,’ Roisin confirmed. ‘Is it hard?’
Very….
First attempt: Ambitiously, for her Showstopper, her ‘3D Biscuit Scene’ depicted a beach holiday with her friend and a camel enjoying Happy Hour
Bad to worse: However, Paul commented the gingerbread was ‘completely raw’ and branded it ‘the worst gingerbread I’ve ever had’
Help: Roisin was left in hysterics with her attempt
‘The flavour would be good if it was cooked,’ Hollywood told her later, which it wasn’t
‘It’s completely raw.’
‘How long was it in the oven for?’ he wondered.
‘13 minutes !’ she protested.
‘Was it switched on?! I think it’s the worst gingerbread I’ve ever had.’
As for the Technical Challenge, Noel Fielding announced Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith are looking for six thin and golden crepes infused with a flambéed orange liquor sauce.’
Good luck… As for the Technical Challenge, Noel Fielding announced Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith are looking for six thin and golden crepes infused with a flambéed orange liquor sauce’
Good luck with that, viewers thought.
Roisin’s face showed her confusion – not because she was unsure how to make it but as she said: ‘what does flambé mean?’
A definite hitch and not the only one.
‘What’s zest? And white pith? There’s no such thing as pith!’
As for the size of the sieve she should use she announced: ‘I’m going to go with the big sieve’ – undermining her confidence somewhat by proceeding to ask one of her fellow bakers ‘is this a sieve?’
Confused: Roisin’s face showed her confusion – not because she was unsure how to make it but as she said: ‘what does flambé mean?’
Main man: However Bill appeared a pro as he flipped the crepes with ease
Roisin was the Most Inspiring Baker of the night and well worth a donation. To give ten or twenty pounds text TEN or TWENTY to 70404, go to www.channel4.com/su2c on the internet, or phone 0300-123444.
Here are my other awards for the first of the five celebrity Stand Up For Cancer specials.
Most Pretentious Judge
‘For the Showstopper it’s all about engineering, architecture, a little bit of art, and baking’
– Paul Hollywood
Most Protentious Judge: Paul Hollywood, for claiming: ‘For the Showstopper it’s all about engineering, architecture, a little bit of art, and baking’
Most Pretentious Popstar
‘Spandau played three songs at Live Aid – including a new song ! That’s how big our egos were. I wouldn’t have minded but it wasn’t even our next single !’
– Martin Kemp
Biggest Letdown
Paul Hollywood judging Martin Kemp’s Showstopper (a biscuit version of Live Aid): ‘I was expecting a stage !’
Kemp: ‘well you’re expecting a lot !’
A bit like the audience at Live Aid when Spandau played that third song !
Biggest Letdown: Paul Hollywood judging Martin Kemp’s Showstopper (a biscuit version of Live Aid): ‘I was expecting a stage !’
‘Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold’ Award
‘This biscuit is Tony Hadley, but he left the band…’
– Martin Kemp, biting Tony Hadley’s head off
Gratuitous Violence Award
‘Can I eat one of your children? Mmmh.. Your children are rather soggy !’
– Prue Leith to Bill Turnbull on his Showstopper special
‘Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold’ Award: Martin Kemp, stating ‘This biscuit is Tony Hadley, but he left the band’ while biting his biscuit head off
Best Wedding Outfit
‘Mr & Mrs T will be decorated in white bee suits made of icing’
– Sandi Toksvig on Bill Turnbull’s Showstopper
Best Double Entendre
Paul Hollywood: ‘I actually think the cupcakes look pretty good. The colour’s good, your balls look good…’
Bill Turnbull: ‘Thank you ! You’re not the first person to say that !’
Best Double Entendre: Paul, telling Bill: ‘I actually think the cupcakes look pretty good. The colour’s good, your balls look good…’ who replies: ‘You’re not the first person to say that !’
Worst Secret Ingredient
‘I’m grating the zest of one lemon. It just gives that little hint of…lemon’
– Bill Turnbull
Words Not To Say On The Bake Off
‘I am making the best cupcakes you will ever see !’
– Martin Kemp on his ‘Kemp Specials’ cupcakes
Most Inevitable Blunder
‘Oh no ! I’m cooking the buttercream !’
– Martin Kemp, realising he’d left the cake mix in a bowl on the worktop and put the icing in the oven instead. So not ‘the best cupcakes we will ever see’ then…
Doing their bit: To give ten or twenty pounds text TEN or TWENTY to 70404, go to www.channel4.com/su2c on the internet, or phone 0300-123444
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